


Let’s not fall in love

by taeggukswitch (rooxynroll)



Category: Haikyuu!!, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Clueless Jeon Jungkook, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, Jungkook as Kageyama Tobio, M/M, Taehyung as Hinata Shouyou, Volleyball, haikyuu au, hopeless romantic Kim Taehyung, just a little bit of angst I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 04:24:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rooxynroll/pseuds/taeggukswitch
Summary: Jeon Jeongguk has a friend he's seen in and outta love, until he's tired of watching it happen again and again, and proposes a much better plan.“Let's date without any of this love bullshit.”orThe Future fic + haikyuu!! AU nobody asked for (jk, we all know taekook is korean irl KageHina amiright) (don’t fight me on this fam also let me have 01 nice thing).{ I could lift you up/I could show you what you want to see/And take you where you want to be/You could be my luck/Even if the sky is falling down/I know that we'll be safe and sound }





	Let’s not fall in love

**더는 의미를 찾을 수 없어**  
**어리석은 미련**  
**사랑의 탈을 쓴 mistake**  
[BIGBANG, LET'S NOT FALL IN LOVE]

 

_~_

_prologue_

_~_

The longest relationship he's even been into lasted nine years, five months and… a few days. Taehyung didn't feel nostalgic enough to actually count those, distressed and depressed but somewhat relieved for finally ending it. Because, out of all those years, the last one was filled, from start to finish, with poor attempts to convince himself that the relationship had to end. A whole year spent trying to convince himself that there was no salvation for it. That the person he loved so much didn't love him anymore, even though said person wouldn't just say it, dragging their dead relationship day by day.

How it was possible for this person to live that way, seeing the ghost of what they used to have and doing nothing to relive it. Being contempt with a half-assed relationship.

Never giving what Taehyung really wanted.

He felt exhausted. He trusted, for so long, that this person would be his forever. That if it wasn't meant to be this time, it would never be, and love really was a misconception, another human invention that only made life more unbearable because it was impossible to achieve.

At least, not with passion. Taehyung missed passion, he lived for it. Ever since he set eyes on something that made his heart race and breath hitch, he’d never get tired of it. Like he never got tired of volleyball, even when he had no team, or when he felt like no one would ever chose him to be on a big team, or when he started to get closer to the age everyone starts to say how you’re too old to play professionally.

So maybe what he needed was to go one hundred percent back to it, the one thing he loved most deeply, instead of finding another half-assed love somewhere. He knew for sure that at least one other person would back him up, their experience talking way more than their age. Besides, The National Team was appreciative of knowledge and experience, and he wasn’t **_that_** old just yet. They could still go to one last Olympics.

“Wanna have the best season in your life, Kim Taehyung?” Jeon Jeongguk smiled from across the table at the nearest café, looking as scary as he did when Taehyung saw him smile greedily for the first time.

Now he knew how much these raw emotions matched his own, so he could appreciate it more than he feared it.

“Yes. Yes I do. I wanna practice until I drop, Jeon Jeongguk.”

Twenty eight was a good age. This would be their real golden days, despite what anyone said about the past season. They would show their top game, something no one had ever seen.

If that was the only love they ever knew, then at least they would make it as clear as it could be.

_~_

_I_

_~_

Jeongguk saw it a hundred times; yeah, not actually a hundred, but it sure felt like it. Everyone around him seemed to enjoy it, then hate it. Happiness and Sadness walking hand in hand. In and out of love, again and again and again. They’d never stop. At least Taehyung did it (for real) only once - and it lasted like, a whole damn decade?

He thought someone like Taehyung could _maybe_ do it. People like him couldn't help it; they'd be alone for a while, but eventually find someone to crash entirely on. Like a natural disaster, it was unavoidable. The flame inside Taehyung burned out too soon, too, sometimes barely resisting a whole week, but if the relationship made it past the first three months… Tae would only stop with a heart too broken to mend, and no one around to help him do it. It goes without saying that the whole _mending thing_ ended up falling on Jeongguk’s shoulders.

That's why he developed a plan, so he wouldn’t have to watch that happening ever again.

“You know me forever now, and it never happened. It won't happen now.” He finishes, eyes locked with Taehyung right in front of him, at the other side of the wooden table.

It’s been a year or so after the break up in which Taehyung called him before even finding a place to stay, and so far Tae still was alone because volleyball kept him busy enough.

“Jeonggukie, you’re nice but I don’t believe in love anymore.” Taehyung sighs, chin propped on him hand over the table. “So I’ll just die alone and happy, it's fine.”

It’s pathetic. The despair and overall sadness in Taehyung’s voice just make it clearer; he will do it again **soon** . Jeongguk was right to act when he did, Tae isn’t a person that can do ‘alone’, much less ‘alone and happy’.

“You're not listening to me. I’m saying that it will work because we won't fall in love, it’s simple.”

Taehyung laughs, and it’s cold. Which is awful and almost makes Jeongguk feel his chest hurt, but he doesn’t have a heart in the first place, so he feels nothing actually physical. It’s still a pitiful sight to see.

“Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt… it doesn’t work like this. Even friends that turn fuck buddies end up falling in love, Kookie. Don't you watch movies?”

Jeongguk scoffs.

“Don't _trust_ movies. Remember that one I loved where the boy and the girl would hear bell sounds when they crossed paths? That shit never happens. But anyway, if you doubt it then try me. I've never even felt it before, not once.”

“What?!” Taehyung looks at him, startled. It’s so obvious, how much of an idiot he really is, unable to believe love doesn’t exists even after getting enough evidence. A ten fucking years relationship turned to fucking **_dust_ ** .

“I’ve never been in love. _Dumbass_ .” He repeats, rolling his eyes and eliciting his thoughts about the ginger.

“But you've dated.” Taehyung points out, as if it means something important.

“Yeah.”

“Without love?” Jeongguk hums instead of answering, and Taehyung gasps. “Then why you’re trying to convince me…”

“I still date. And have fun. No drama involved whatsoever. It’d be good for you, that's what's good. Not that Falling In Love crap you're always in for.”

“I won’t even question how you managed to be in a relationship without love...” Are his words, but he sure sounds as if he’s exactly questioning it. “But if you know how I am then what makes you think _I_ won't fall for you?”

“We’ve know each other for twenty years.” Jeongguk states the obvious, feeling himself get tired by the effort of doing so. “We grew up together.”

How dumb can Taehyung be? And why does Jeongguk still tries to help him? Maybe if the ginger wasn't so endearing, always by the his side, accepting and determined and caring, he wouldn't make a fool of himself so often.

“And?” Taehyung insists on his mistake, most likely how he does with love.

Which may be why Taehyung can do it and Jeongguk can't. He’s never wasted time with mistakes.

“That's time enough to realize you love someone, right?” He deadpans, the topic making him feel rather unsettled. Feelings aren’t a thing that Jeongguk likes to bring up.

“But I do… like… _love_ you.” Taehyung grimaces, like the thought grosses him out. It probably does, because Jeongguk feels the same. “It's just… different.” He looks away and stutter, struggling with the words.

Jeongguk can relate, they never were the least affectionate with each other, especially not using words. It creeps him out, but hearing it isn’t so bad.

Not that he’ll be admitting to _that_ .

“Gross.” He deadpans, a smirk sitting on the corner of his mouth.

“Well, you're the one suggesting that we should date!” Taehyung almost screams, attracting the attention of the people inside the bar. He bows slightly, apologizing, even though the noise is normal inside a place like that and people don't waist two seconds eyeing the noise perpetrator. “Anyway, what if dating changes it? What if it makes me _love_ love you?”

He scrunches his nose involuntarily, a laugh escaping his lips a second later.

“I don't think that's how it works. That's just stupid.” It’s not like he’s an specialist in the matter, but it does seems very stupid.

“You're stupid.” Taehyung shots back, as always, pouting a little.

Twenty eight years old Kim Taehyung _pouts_ . Pass it on.

“Say that when you're breaking your heart again. I bet the next one won't last half the time.” He's harsh, because that's in his nature. He just says whatever he thinks, as honestly as he can be. It doesn't affect Taehyung since middle school, when they first met.

“Thanks a lot, _buddy_ . Anyway, I’ve never _dated_ dated a guy before…”

“But you're bisexual.” Jeongguk states, matter of factly, because he knows it. He saw with his own eyes, even though he barely remembers all the idiots Taehyung has dated in his life.

Not that the number was great, but Jeongguk barely remembers the ones he dated himself.

The point is: he's seen with his own eyes, so, yeah. He’d know.

“Yeah… Something like it.” Taehyung answers, chin still propped on his hand.

“Then _that's_ not a problem.”

 _‘That's not what you're really concerned with, so stop making excuses’_ , is what he thinks.

“I don't see why you're so invested in it, Jeonggukie. Are you perhaps _in love_ with _me_ ?” His tone is pure teasing, and Taehyung smiles accordingly.

“No.” Jeongguk answers simply, face blank.

He really never _felt_ that shit, so how could he? Jeongguk starts wondering if Taehyung might be deaf. Too many volley balls to the head must do something to a person, and Taehyung was especially good with receiving those.

“Then it must be my good looks, I never figured I was your type…” The smugness on his features are almost convincing, perhaps to someone who hasn't been watching that same face for over twenty years, always searching for answers easier that way than actually using words.

He was never the best communicator, after all.

“You're not half bad, but that's not it.” Jeongguk sighs. “I just don't wanna see it happening again anytime soon. If you fall in love, the next time your heart break we probably won't have volleyball anymore.”

“What?” _Now_ Taehyung is truly shaken, and with that desperation Jeongguk can relate with. “We’ll always have it.”

“Yeah. But not professionally. We may have four or five years with clubs, if not with the one we are right now. But we won't make it to Olympics again.”

There's a kind of dark and sad feeling tugging in the back of his voice, and, like always, Taehyung is the one to immediately bring out the sun with his words.

“Don’t say that. We never know. And… We can coach.”

“Sure.” Jeongguk answers promptly, the exchange sounding more like a plan. Or a damn marriage, for that matter.

Doesn't Taehyung sees it? They'll most likely die together anyway, always living for volleyball. There isn't space for other things, or for falling in and out of love. There's no time to waste with things that aren't even **_real_ ** . They can adopt a kid, if that’s what Tae wants. Jeongguk likes kids, even though it’s not always reciprocated.

“Maybe you're right.” Taehyung finally kind of admits. “It’s still weird, though. It would take some getting used to it… How would it even work anyway?”

He's asking, and Jeongguk can relax. If he's asking, he's on board. Taehyung was never one to back out of things.

“Easy enough. Doing whatever you usually do when you date. So we go out first. Do shit together. Date, without the love bullshit part.”

“We already do that, though?” There’s a little smirk on the corner of Tae’s mouth, and it kind of makes him feel like he's the dumb one instead of Taehyung.

“Yeah, but then I would pay for you…”

“I like this part.”

  
“... and you’d pay for me.”

“Not this one, though.” Taehyung adds provokingly, and Jeongguk only glares. “And then what? We do that until I stop thinking about sucking your face as something weird?”

“Yeah. Or we get drunk. That usually speeds things up.”

Taehyung blushes and it’s annoying. How could he? It’s ridiculous. They are both grown men, for fucks sake.

“Jeon Jeongguk! That would be awkward! No _speeding up_ anything! Jeez.”

“What? It’s simple enough. We don’t get lonely, so we don’t need anyone else, therefore we won’t date new people and there won’t be any risks of falling in love.”

Taehyung looks at him, thinking. “That sounds sad.”

“Taehyung.” He takes a deep breath, already spent for the night. “You’re the one saying you don’t believe in love anymore.”

“Yeah, but…”

He grunts, all the patience he possessed now gone.

“Just give it a fucking shot, will you? I’ll prove to you that it’s possible.”

Taehyung is startled, a laugh caught in his throat. He coughs.

“Geez you scare me when you get like this. Okay, fine, as long as you don’t stare into my soul until it leaves my body because I won’t consider it as you proving anything.”

“Great! Now shall we drink? We won't be able to when practice for The Olympics start.”

“Oh yeah. But, uh, let's not start it today, okay? Let's just celebrate that we’ll be at The Olympics again.”

“That was the plan, wasn't it? Waiter!” Jeongguk calls, signaling and ordering their beers.

He won’t admit it, but it is really weird to think about doing any of it with Taehyung. He needs some getting used, too, even though love has nothing to do with his motives. Taehyung’s looks aren’t a problem, also, it’s just the way he is used to see him.

Because they grew up with each other, because they were as friends as friends could be. But he knows kissing is just kissing. And dating is just dating. He's done it a million times before, with people he liked way less than Taehyung. So, where the idea seems absurd to his ginger friend, it's absolutely normal to him.

  
All they need to do is to look at it differently.

_~_

_II_

_~_

A year of training, playing matches, winning, doing the impossible, getting so tired he didn't even feel it anymore. Taehyung got every romantic thought out of his system. Instead, he had determination and objectives. And he reached them. They reached them. Together.

If there was a constant in his life, that constant was Jeon Jeongguk.

And he wasn't ready to sacrifice it. His grumpy-looking friend was someone he would much like to keep in his life, worse to lose than any love disillusionment.

Of course Jeongguk could do it, but could he? It looked unlikely. Highly absurd. Date someone without falling in love… so what if they knew each other forever? He never looked at Jeongguk that way before. If he started to, now… He'd probably fall in love. The probability was too great to risk it, but the idiot wouldn't understand him.

It felt ridiculous to think he'd fall in love with that idiot, but that was just like him. The fuck buddies thing would never work with Kim Taehyung, and he already was fond of Jeongguk. To fall in love it’d take just a single wrong step.

So that night they drank, and went to the ridiculously small apartment they shared - because it was closer to the Volleyball club -, and slept on their individual futons. Miraculously not doing anything stupid, because that was what they were. Friends. How could Jeongguk change it?

It would take more than alcohol.

It could make him fall in love for his best friend.

It was dangerous.

But he missed it. They'd go to The Olympics, finally, and then what? Could they make it again in four years? Probably not. So he would focus on training for what purpose? Would coaching take as much time and attention as practicing did?

Taehyung ended up permitting it. They went out on “dates”, which consisted of doing stupid things in between training and playing official matches, eventual hand holding (which he hated to admit how much he missed) and paying for each others things. If Taehyung choose the place, he would pay. If Jeongguk did, he would pay. It was nice, actually, because they were visiting places and doing stuff they'd both never done before, laughing when it was a complete failure (and going back home with popcorn packs to catch something on Netflix or Viki) and feeling incredible when they discovered something nice and new to do, coming back a few times.

The weird part was they lived together already, so that part of their lives remained the same. The dating ended when they crossed the door - apart from the times they changed the date to their couch. During those there would be cuddling and giving each other popcorn.

It was nice, actually. And Taehyung miraculously wasn't feeling any weird shit in his chest.

However, they hadn't kissed yet. Probably for the best, since they had Olympic games to worry about. And he still thought it would feel like kissing a brother. Wasn’t it what every movie out there said about kissing your best friend?

However, they shared a bathroom, and one day he heard Jeongguk getting off. Awkward, because he didn't want to be the reason why he had to do it like that in the first place, so he felt the obligation to tell him that. _That_ was the awkward part.

While Jeongguk made them dinner, Taehyung fidgeted around him.

“What?” Jeongguk asked, slightly annoyed.

“I heard you in the bathroom. Getting off.”

“Oh.” He stopped chomping onions to look in Taehyung's eyes. “And?”

“You don't have to do it. If you want to meet someone else and do the do, it's fine by me. I know we're just conveniently together and besides we haven't even kissed yet...”

“Ah, don't worry about it. It wouldn't make sense.” Jeongguk cuts him, going back to the ingredients he's preparing. “I prefer to do it myself, anyway.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah. Easier. Faster. Less energy unnecessarily spent.” He answers plainly, almost making Taehyung ache.

_What the hell, this guy._

“Weird.” He voices, unable to keep the thought shut.

“Am not. Anyway, do you want to? Kiss, I mean. We should do it, but I’m waiting for you to be ready.”

His face heats up, and Thank God that Jeongguk isn't looking, that way he won't be endlessly teased for it. Thirty years old Kim Taehyung blushes when the guy he’s been dating talks to him about kissing. Pathetic.

“I… I don't know…”

“I have a plan. Let me show you.” He finishes mixing all the ingredients together and puts the omelette to fry, washing and drying his hands before grabbing Taehyung's wrists and taking him to his bedroom.

He feels his heart racing.

“Uh… Jeongguk…”

“If you tell me to stop I will. Really. And I won't take it personally. I just had this idea and I really wanna try it.” Jeongguk was really energetic about it.

“... Okay, then.”

Jeongguk props him on his bed - because now they have beds, and their provisory shared apartment looks each passing day more like their home - and runs to the cabinet, searching for something. He comes back with headbands.

“Wear it.” Jeongguk orders, and Taehyung stares at the headband blankly.

“Huh?”

“Do it.”

“You know I can just close my eyes, right?” He asks, dumbly.

“Yeah, but no. I’ll wear one, too.” Jeongguk drops by his side on the bed, preparing his headband. “Do it.”

“Okay, okay…”

Some light still gets in, but he can't see shit. At least not in front of him. Taehyung closes his eyes anyway and breathes.

He waits, and nothing happens.

When he's about to complain, wondering if fucking Jeon Jeongguk left him alone and this was some kind of prank, he feels it. The air becomes more dense, like he's sharing his oxygen, and there's heat, heat that his own body isn't responsible for. Then, there's breath ghosting his lips, and suddenly there are gentle fingers discovering his skin. Cold fingers brush against his cheek and slide to his jaw, carefully caressing it. He lets out the breath he was holding, realizing he misses it. Being kissed. Being touched this way.

So maybe Jeongguk knows what he's doing. He slides his lips tentatively through Taehyung's, not really kissing, just tasting, causing a heat inside Taehyung that almost makes him groan. This is torture, he thinks, before realizing what it means.

He wants it. He won't stop Jeongguk. He actually wants to be kissed, even if it is by his best friend. The thought isn't at all gross. He just wants it to happen, and fast.

He pushes forward, brushing their lips together, pressing carefully but determined to show what he just found out. It's his way of saying okay, giving Jeongguk permission.

The hand on his jaw slides to his neck, fingers entangling with his hair and pushing his head a little back. He feels Jeongguk's lips parting and immediately follows, the sensation of his hot tongue licking its way inside Taehyung's mouth is perfect.

It's wrong, it shouldn't be like this. They're friends. They spend their entire lives calling each other stupid and other variants. They saw each other naked in locker rooms more than Taehyung would ever see his ten years partner or anyone else, probably.

So why, as Jeongguk's tongue dragged inside his mouth, did he moan? Kissing was, after all, just kissing? And he could do it with his best friend without any love bullshit?

He actually wanted to do it?

This was nice, it was actually great because Jeongguk was the best; they shared the love for Volleyball, they understood each other and their relationship was better than any other Taehyung ever experienced.

In his epiphany, Taehyung locked his fingers around smooth thick hair, pressing his tongue against Jeongguk's until he was the one inside Jeongguk's mouth, dragging his tongue around and drinking soft moans. He had no idea that Jeongguk would sound so low and deep, stirring something inside him, making him yank his headband out to get a proper grip on jet black hair.

Jeongguk followed suit, doing the same to Taehyung’s headband and hair, pressing their lips harder, slightly pulling his hair…

Taehyung noticed he was a second away from jumping on Jeongguk's lap, and then Jeongguk was pulling away.

“The… omelette…” The raven haired man voiced precariously, cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand, taking deep breaths.

He was stunning, lips unusually puffed and red.

“Okay.” Taehyung's breathing hard. “This was easier than I expected.”

“Told you so. _Dumbass_ .” Jeongguk smirks, clearly pleased with himself.

“You clearly took forever to do it, it’s been **_weeks_ ** _,_ so don't sound so smug about it.”

Taehyung is still breathing hard, so nothing changes on the Jeongguk's Smugness front.

“Oh.” He let's out, low and deep, and then he's laughing a little. Taehyung follows his gaze, ending up on his own crotch.

Oh indeed.

Oh _fuck._

“Well, it's been a while, don't hold it against me.” He pleads, awkwardly covering his arousal.

“Sure, I won't.” He can hear on Jeongguk’s tone the exact opposite, because they are both grow men, and Taehyung’s actually the older one, and neither of them should get hard because of a single kiss. The teasing isn’t over. “I would offer help, but it may be too much for one day.”

“Yeah.” Taehyung agrees because, hell no, he feels his blood pumping crazily inside his veins and he won’t let those thin red lips nowhere near his dick. “Plus, the omelette.”

Jeongguk’s eyes go wide, as if he had completely forgot about the omelette. Again.

“Oh, right. Have fun.”

It ends being for naught, because he can't stop thinking about Jeongguk anyway. He’s in his bedroom, after all. That’s what Taehyung tells himself while he slips of his pants off and strokes his length, imagining Jeongguk on his knees, eyes still blindfolded by the black headband, messy hair pointing everywhere, red lips unusually puffed… _God._ It wasn’t like he didn’t knew his best friend was gorgeous, but he’s never thought of him like _that_ .

He wasn’t just gorgeous, he was fucking hot.

  
Taehyung comes embarrassingly fast, and he’s glad he sent Jeongguk away.

_~_

_III_

_~_

Jeongguk is thrilled. He knew it was a good idea, plus he did satisfied a few of his curiosities about his best friend. It wasn’t like he’d ever thought about Taehyung that way, but curiosity was curiosity, and now he didn’t need to wonder about it anymore. Now he knew how it was to kiss and be kissed by Kim Taehyung, _aka_ literal ball of sunshine.

And it was nice to know that Taehyung had enjoyed it as much as he did.

Everything went by smoothly. They worked, practicing and playing official matches, and nothing really changed, as Jeongguk knew it would be. They kept hanging out every time they could, because of all the amazing places they found out while “dating”, but now the dating didn’t stop at their front door, and they’d both jump each other uncountable times, in some kind of kissing competition that would last just a single kiss at a time.

Every single kiss was heated, leaving both men disgruntled, but the one responsible would smile and keep doing whatever he was doing before as if nothing happened.

They didn’t need blindfolds again.

The thought reminded him of something. They are watching the recordings of their last games, something they do usually, searching for mistakes and things to perfect. He shuffles a little before speaking.

“Hmh Taehyung…” He hummed on Taehyung’s ear, both lying down on their couch, Taehyung on his arms, eyes focused on the television. He nudges ginger hair with his cheeks, lazily. “Tie me.”

Taehyung jumps off his arms the second the words sink in.

Jeongguk doesn’t even blink, unfazed.

“What?”

“Tie me. To the bed, or just tie me.”

“What?” Taehyung repeats, a maniac smile hinting on his lips, eyes wide.

“Just tie me and do whatever you want. If you don’t feel like doing anything, then you don’t. But if you do… You can.” He explains, calm and neutral.

“Jeez, Jeongguk. I had no idea you were so kinky.”

“Shut up, dumbass.” He moves to grab Taehyung’s wrist, pulling the ginger back into him and nudging his neck this time, eventually giving it small pecks. “You don’t wanna?”

Taehyung shivers, sinking further into him and sighing.

“Yeah, hm…” He coughs, trying to disguise how his voice just completely broke. “We can try it.”

Jeongguk is jumping out of the couch on the next second, pulling Taehyung with him by the same wrist he hasn’t let go of yet. They go to his bedroom, and he opens the last drawer on his wardrobe, dropping Taehyung’s wrist to get what they need.

“Shit. You really are kinky.”

“What, this?” He laughs, unabashedly. “This is nothing. They are toys. How boring was your sex life?”

“Uh, looking at what you have here… A lot.”

Jeongguk laughs, and Taehyung follows him.

“Are you scared?”

“No. Just… Amused.” It’s true, he sounds amused.

“Do you have any idea how to tie me? Wait, I have a book somewhere.” He finds it at the back of the drawer, giving it to Taehyung and starting to undress. “It’s easier this way, I’ll keep only the boxers on.”

“Yeah.” Taehyung answers avoiding to look at him, pretending to be absorbed by the book.

Taehyung is clumsy, but he isn’t one to give up, and determinedly ties Jeongguk in a Hand Catch, the choice making Jeongguk want to provoke him, but he refrains.

Because he likes it.

It ties his fingers to his forearm and to his upper arm, the knots making it impossible for him to reach, and both arms are connected by a third rope that goes behind his back. He admires the work, ignoring the imperfections.

Taehyung runs to catch something else on the drawer, and he sees the blindfold seconds before not seeing anything else.

And he’s the kinky one.

Taehyung shoves him down before asking. “Everything okay? Is it hurting?”

“No, you let it loose enough.”

He hears a hum, and then his bed sinks a little.

“Damn it.”

“What?”

“You’re _hot_ .”

“Sorry? Or thanks, I don’t know.”

“Yeah. Both.”

He refrains from saying that it’s Taehyung’s own fault for not noticing it sooner, because well, at least he sees it now. And Jeongguk does not work out his abs to play Volleyball better, so the compliment makes him happy enough.

Taehyung’s hand trails down his chest, appreciatively. It's been awhile for him, and he knows it's been even longer for Taehyung, but he's unusually thrilled about it. Maybe because he’s in his own bedroom, and Jeongguk doesn’t do this stuff there most of the times. One, because he shares the apartment with Taehyung for a while now. Two, because it’s too personal, and his relationships aren’t. The familiarity of the bed, and his smell all around him, plus the blindfold… But his hands are tied, and he does nothing.

He’s half-hard before Taehyung even starts, trailing wet kisses down his neck, tentatively. Hot hands rest against his shoulders, and Taehyung straddles him, the unexpected contact making him moan. It’s embarrassing, but even he thinks it sounded great.

Taehyung’s kisses turn sloppier each second, more tongue and teeth than lips, going down to his collarbones and chest, pressing against his nipples and sinking lower, their groins pressing together before Taehyung sinks lower to kiss his abs and, God, he’s pinching Jeongguk’s nipples with firm fingers, scratching his chest while he goes lower, to Jeongguk’s thighs, biting and sucking, probably leaving a few red spots, and the torture is almost unbearable.

But he likes it.

“Do you like it, Jeongguk?” Taehyung calls, voice low and teasing, fingers playing with the waistband of his boxers. Jeongguk’s dick jumps slightly, despite the restrains of the clothing. “Oh. I guess it’s a yes then.”

Taehyung trail down the length with this fingers until he’s at the base, cupping and pressing until Jeongguk is panting.

“Want me to take this off?”

“Y-yeah…” His voice is weak, sounding like a whisper even though that was never his intention.

“Say it nicely, Jeongguk-kun.”

“Please.” That’s the fastest that Jeongguk has ever complied.

He really wants that boxer gone. A small laugh fills the room, the way only Taehyung’s laugh can do it, but then his boxers are gone and he’s suddenly afraid.

Afraid Taehyung won’t do anything.

He gulps, waiting expectantly, waiting for the feel of hot thin fingers wrapping around him, but nothing comes. He can’t find his voice to say something, anything, and maybe this wasn’t as great an idea as he initially thought.

It’s when he feels wet warmth envelope the head of his cock that his mind goes blank and he forgets it. Every single insecurity flies away, and Jeongguk is moaning loudly. Taehyung plays with his tongue around, licking down his length and then up again, before slipping him inside his mouth and groaning.

“Mhm… You look really nice like this, Jeongguk.” He says in a husky voice while his hand strokes Jeongguk’s cock.

“Haah…” It’s everything he can answer to that.

“Say, Jeongguk… Have you ever bottomed?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Do you want to? Now?” Taehyung’s hand leaves him, and suddenly their bodies are pressed together again and there are soft wet lips against his own, and he’s being kissed languidly. “Please?”

“... Sure.” He manages to answer without stuttering, his great effort being payed of.

“Hmm. You’re the best, Jeongguk. So good.” Taehyung sucks his neck, carefully, kissing his chin and then his lips. “Lube?”

“At… The drawer near the bed. The one with the lamp.”

Taehyung’s gone and Jeongguk feels desperate, needing the friccion, the touches, his tongue… He can hear the drawer opening and closing, and Taehyung’s ragged breath, sounds of clothes being taken off… Something clicks, and it’s probably the lube being opened.

Taehyung’s hand envelopes his dick first, stroking it gently before the other hand’s on his hole, fingers playing at his rim.

“T-take… Take the blindfold… Of. Please.”

“Ah? Why?” Taehyung sounds surprised, but not displeased. “Do you wanna see it, huh? Wanna see me while I fuck you?” One finger slips inside him and Jeongguk’s jaw clenches. “Would you like to see me, Jeongguk?”

“Yeah, _fuck_ , ah… I wanna see you. Please.”

He’s careful, going in and out, each time a little further, until he’s clenching inside of Jeongguk, looking for something.

Jeongguk moans loudly when he finds it, Taehyung’s name escaping his lips.

“So good…” Taehyung repeats, introducing a second finger. “You’re so good I might just let you, Jeongguk…”

“Please…” He repeats weakly, the combination of Taehyung stroking his dick while reaching his prostate from inside of his hole making his entire body tremble.

“Yeah, sure, babe.” Taehyung whispers at his ear, yanking the blindfold off before introducing a third finger.

Clarity blinds him for a few seconds, but he soons see the smile on Taehyung’s lips while he’s focused on stretching Jeongguk. The sight makes him bite his lower lip, unconsciously, because Taehyung has beads of sweat going down his neck, and he’s hard, calling out for Jeongguk’s hands, but they can’t touch him.

“Ugh, Taehyung…”

“What, Jeongguk? Want the blindfold again?” His smile is knowing.

“No.” He answers, a little desperate. “I want you. Now.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure?”

“Do it, Taehyung, _fuck_ , please.”

Taehyung lets his cock free to grab the condom, clenching his fingers inside of Jeongguk once more before removing them. He wears the condom painfully slow, even though he’s probably taking a normal amount of time to do it. He moans as he wears it and spreads lube all over it, eyes half-lidded trailing to Jeongguk’s.

His face comes to Jeongguk, and he whispers in his ear: “Tell me if it hurts. Anything.”

He points to the ropes, to make it clear, and then he’s lifting Jeongguk’s ass and throwing pillows under him to make him more comfortable.

“That’s enough.” Jeongguk says, and Taehyung looks at him just a little annoyed, but he’s too excited to fight, so he positions himself in between Jeongguk’s legs.

“Hmh, I wish I could take a photo of you like this, Jeongguk.”

“Don’t be an idiot. _Fuck_ .” He curses, closing his eyes at the sudden touch of Taehyung’s hand on his dick.

“Look, Jeongguk.” Taehyung demands, and he feels as fingers circle his entrance.

Jeongguk forces his eyes open, and Taehyung’s cock is pressed against his whole, sliding in painfully slowly.

He’s a mess way before Taehyung’s finally rocking against him, hands grabbing his waist strongly while he fucks into Jeongguk without restraint, both men moaning and cursing, screaming each others names.

Jeongguk’s unconsciously forcing the ropes, desperate to reach, to touch, but he doesn’t say anything about it after he notices it. Taehyung’s hair is messy and he’s dripping sweat, every part of him eating Jeongguk hungrily, and he’s so close…

“Taehyung, I’m… I’m gonna… _Fuck_ , there.” He sounds a little desperate, maybe, but Taehyung complies.

Taehyung rocks into his prostate, and Jeongguk loses control of his body until he reaches the release and Taehyung’s name flees his mouth while he spills come all over his own chest. Taehyung’s moves become erratic, the grip on his waist becoming stronger, and soon he reaches his orgasm too, panting and moaning, seeking for Jeongguk’s lips and seizing them hungrily.

“Ah, fuck…” He speaks incoherently, panting. “Fuck, Jeongguk… Ugh.” Taehyung trembles, and Jeongguk wants desperately to hold him.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asks, weakly.

Taehyung laughs, slowly removing himself from Jeongguk’s body. “Nothing is _wrong_ .”

He takes off the condom and throws it in the trash, grabbing a towel and coming back to clean Jeongguk.

He’s confused.

“This was… really good.” Taehyung clarifies, looking in his eyes. Jeongguk sees them shine, and smiles.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” Taehyung laughs again, and it’s clear how much he enjoyed it.

“I thought so, too.” He confess, keeping the exact words he’s using to describe it locked inside his head.

Like “amazing”, “incredible” and “greatest orgasm anyone has ever given me”.

Taehyung’s smile is gentle.

“Let me untie you now.”

There are a few marks, because Jeongguk pressed against the ropes, but he feels good. Taehyung is a little startled, but he explains it was his own fault and it isn't even hurting. Both men lie down, just breathing while they let their bodies taste the bliss peacefully.

Taehyung roll onto him, pressing their chests together and kissing Jeongguk slowly, stirring something inside him.

“You wanna go again?” He asks, confused as to what the kiss means. Is it lust? Is Taehyung just trying to convince him, as if he actually needed convincing?

“Yeah, sure. Your turn?” Taehyung laughs, biting his lip and agreeing. “Oh, but there's no way I’m gonna let you tie me, so think about something else.”

  
Jeongguk gets to tie him anyway, in the end.

_~_

_IV_

_~_

They go through the bliss of experimenting sex with a new person, and Taehyung is not as crazy about it as Jeongguk is. Probably because this is the first time Jeongguk gets to do it so many times with the same person.

“Shouldn't it be boring for you?” Taehyung asks, curious.

“Is it, for you? Are you bored yet? I mean, you stayed long periods of time with the same person, so I guess it would take more than a few weeks of sex with me to get bored already…”

“Shut up.” He's laughing, because Kookie almost sound insecure due to his desperation to get inside Taehyung's pants.

Taehyung's head is resting on his hands, on top of their kitchen table, and Jeongguk looks at him expectantly.

The pie will take another forty five minutes to be ready. They could do it, but Taehyung is so so tired.

He voices it, and Jeongguk stubbornly stands up and walks to him, hugging Taehyung from behind and kissing his neck and shoulder.

Damn it. He's so weak when Jeongguk does that.

“I’ll treat you good, I promise. Besides, there’s something I want to show you…”

And there goes his resolve, like it was hard to convince him to do anything else besides watching the pie get backed in the oven.

He really feels in a relationship, and he remembers that that was the idea from the start. _A relationship without the love bullshit part._ It really was working, so far. Jeongguk was surprisingly clingy for someone who had never been in love before, but maybe that was why. Jeongguk was eager to please, at least inside four walls.

At work no one actually could notice anything. They were the same.

The pie was safely out of the oven after forty five minutes, a new vibrating butt plug and two orgasms later, and Jeongguk opened a bottle of soju to prepare them some drinks while Taehyung dealt with the pie. The holidays were near and they were in a kind of vacation from Volleyball.

They’re sitting on the floor, watching the night sky through their balcony door, plates empty and drinks refilled for the fourth or tenth time. Give or take.

“We could visit somewhere. Spain.”

“Italy.” Taehyung suggests, decided.

“I was scared you might say France, for a second.” Jeongguk teases, laughing quietly.

“Why would I suggest that, Kookie?”

“Paris. The city of love.” He coughed, looking a little more sober. But just looking, because they have already emptied the second bottle of soju. “Do you still don’t believe it? Love?”

“Why do you care? Wanna hear me saying you were right, is that it?”

“No. It’s actually kind of sad, someone like you saying love doesn’t exists. People like me need people like you to say you believe this kind of stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Taehyung asks, velvet voice and sweet smile.

“Imaginary stuff.”

“Ah.” He laughs. “And people like me? What does that even mean?”

“Idiots. It means dumbasses, _dumbass_ .”

Right. Of course it does.

“And people like you?”

“Tyrant kings, heartless bastards.”

“Oh.” Then he's scoffing, unable to believe Jeongguk. “That's the greatest bullshit I’ve ever heard, Kookie. Congrats! That’s something, coming from someone that knows you for over two decades.”

Jeongguk shrugs, dark eyes glued to his. “You hear it so many times you just might start believing it, you know?”

“No I don't, and neither do you. We've established it _years_ ago. You're the best setter any volleyball team could ask for. Even though you're not a young prodigy anymore, you're still the best, and who you are is what brought you here, so don't come bullshiting on me now you big dork.”

Jeongguk laughs, because his speech was lulled and the words connected when they shouldn't, and by the end he’s either laughing or hiding the fact that he’s almost crying, but he's sure he got his message across.

“You are what brought me here, and you know it.”

Yes, he knows it. Truth be told, they were both equally responsible - Taehyung wouldn’t be here without Jeongguk, either -, but hearing Jeongguk acknowledging it… his whole body goes limp, and his chin drops. Jeongguk looks away, and the moon is the only thing lighting their living room, so he can't tell if the younger is blushing.

He's never done that. Jeongguk trusts, and Jeongguk shows it, but he never really acknowledges, especially not out loud. Taehyung has never needed it, either. They both knew and that was enough. _As long as I’m here, you’re invincible._ It went both ways. And after that, no other words were ever needed.

“Ugh, I’m so tired I might sleep right here.” He groans, letting his body fall to the floor and changing the subject as best - and fast - as he can.

Jeongguk moves swiftly and doesn't let his body touch the floor, forcing him to stand up, using the couch to steady both of them.

“Let's go to bed.” Jeongguk whispers softly, and Taehyung might be half asleep already but he catches the way the words make him feel warm.

Jeongguk lays him on his bed, messing with his hair and kissing him goodnight.

Taehyung wants to ask him to stay.

He doesn't.

_~_

Holidays mean family visiting, and so they fly back to Busan and head to their homes. The goodbye kiss happened at the apartment before they left, and Jeongguk was the one to give it.

Taehyung is too busy trying to convince himself he won't miss it. He can't miss it.

If there's one thing he has to do it, it's this. For Jeongguk.

A week flies by, his family occupying him so much he barely has time to check his phone. Their old High School team is trying to make a reunion, but not everyone is back at Busan for the holidays. Even so, they end up meeting at a bar before the holidays end.

Their hyungs are there and of course Jeongguk is already there because Taehyung is the one who lives farther. He feels it, he knows he does, so he tries his best to ignore Jeongguk. They chat about their lives and joke about Jeongguk and Taehyung never being around because they are “famous” now – which they aren't, so there's where the joke’s at.

It's always good meeting them, and it doesn't even bother him when they ask about his ex, unaware of the break up even though it’s been over an year now.

The timing was bad, though, because he really has to pee and everyone will probably think he's doing it to get away from them because he's actually not over it. Well, leave it to Jeongguk to reassure them about how good he actually is.

Literally fucking all over their apartment and shit.

Although he's not feeling so good right now.

Taehyung is cleaning his hand when someone else comes inside the bathroom, and then Jeongguk is leaning on the wall besides him with a smile on his thin lips.

 _Don't say it_ , Taehyung begs inside his head.

“I missed you.” Jeongguk's voice echoes inside the bathroom, even though he spoke quietly.

He groans audibly, and it startles Jeongguk.

“Don't say that shit. You're the one that imposed the _‘no love bullshit’_ rule!”

His face scrunches in a very unflattering way, and now Jeongguk is clearly confused.

“What? What does missing you has anything to do with it?”

“Everything! Do you miss everyone you date, Kookie?”

“No. But they weren't you.”

He groans again, feeling a burning desire to punch Jeongguk's beautiful and clueless face.

“That's… That's not helpful, idiot. Shut up.”

Jeongguk's is smiling again, making it clear how he didn't understand anything, and then he's moving closer and whispering “come here” into Taehyung's mouth.

He barely has time to sigh, too content about the proximity to complain.

_‘I missed you too, and I hate this.’_

He lets Jeongguk push him into a stall, preferring a heated kiss to a slow lovingly one that Jeongguk probably didn’t even realize he was giving. Taehyung can't help but question where he messed up, in which moment it stopped being just fun, but he can't pinpoint it. There wasn't a specific moment, he did nothing wrong. Jeongguk was wrong. He could never do it without falling in love.

And the worst part was that Jeongguk was either not on the same page, or completely unaware of what had happened.

“We have to go back.” Taehyung breaks the kiss, pushing Jeongguk against the stall to keep him from reaching. They're both breathing hard, and Jeongguk smiles. “Well, at least I have to, or they’ll notice.”

“I told them we’re together.” Jeongguk says, unabashedly.

“What?!” He feels his face heat up.

“Sorry, I should have asked you before doing it, but since they all know about out sexualities already, I figured…”

“Yeah, whatever, but why would you do that?”

“Because they were worried about you being alone and shit.”

Oh. That.

“Ugh. I think I'm going home.”

“Don't.” He rushes, startling Taehyung. “You drank and your house is too far away. Sleep at mines today. We’ll go get your things before we leave to the airport.”

He wants to decline it, burn it down and go home, but he's also drained and he actually does miss it.

Maybe Jeongguk is right, and missing it doesn't necessarily means there's love involved. They miss it because it's good. They miss it because it's working.

Not because they are falling ridiculously in love, and one of them isn't even aware of it.

“Yeah, okay.” He breathes out, noticing Jeongguk was clearly tensed up before hearing his answer. “Mom will love to see you tomorrow. But please don't tell _her_ about us.”

His tone is pleading, and Jeongguk laughs.

“Sure.”

When they go back to the table – together, after a new round of kisses imposed by one Jeon Jeongguk – their friends laugh and make space for them to sit together, and they make the most mortifying comment: “You should have told us you were a thing now! Congratulations on finally _accepting_ it.”

_~_

_V_

_~_

Taehyung is acting out and Jeongguk can't pinpoint what is exactly going on. It's starts with little comments, things that 30 Years Old Kim Taehyung wouldn't say nor ask, and then he's avoiding contact and making jokes all the time.

 _Bro_ jokes, or something like it.

They were neves “bros”, that was never the kind of relationship they had. It adds to his desire to end Taehyung's life by proving how much of Not-Bros they actually are, sticking his dick on Taehyung's mouth so he’ll also shut the fuck up.

It takes a few days, but eventually he's had enough of it.

“What's going on?”

Taehyung suddenly looks paler.

“What?”

“You heard me. What's happening? You're acting weird and it's awful. It's physically paining me. You're also avoiding me, so what is it? Just spill it. I won't get hurt or anything.”

Taehyung suddenly looks frail, which is something so rare that it has Jeongguk shaking.

“Oh. Yeah, uh… It's… We may have a problem.” He takes tentative glances at Jeongguk, looking away almost immediately. “Remember how you said that thing about not falling in love?”

Oh. Oh, _shit_ . He’s suddenly sorry he asked.

“Taehyung…” He starts, blood rushing and heart pumping too fast. He may feel a little dizzy, vision blurring.

“Listen, you knew it. You knew I’m the kind of person that can't help but fall in love. Be glad I’m still that idiot who believes in that shit, and I know you don’t so it’s _fine_ ...”

It’s not fine, and Jeongguk can hear it in his voice. It’s not fine, and Jeongguk feels it in his body.

“You’re confusing things.” He whispers, too weak to speak normally.

“Am not! Stop being so dumb! I would know, because I felt it before. I don't know how you feel, but I… I can't keep this up. We have to end it.” Taehyung eyes shimmer and he looks away, to the floor, avoiding Jeongguk’s face.

His mouth falls open. End it?

“Ho… How?” He tries to sound as sure of it as Taehyung did. Was he really falling in love? Could a person falling in love propose the end of the relationship? It doesn’t make sense.

If so, love was even weirder than initially thought.

“Just… End it. Stop it. I’ll… I’ll go somewhere else, for now.” Taehyung walks to his room, and Jeongguk can’t move. He can’t breathe, his mouth can’t stay shut, nothing seems right. “See you at work.” He hears it, and turns in time to see orange hair leaving through their door.

And the door shuts.

He still doesn’t move.

It’s stupid. It’s stupid in so many ways, but he wishes he could have gotten one last kiss. It’s stupid, even his thoughts are stupid, and he never got the chance to say anything. What would he say? He was caught off guard, he needed time to think.

He calls Taehyung by the end of the day, unusually alone for a Sunday, and hates it when he doesn’t pick it up. _Answer it, just fucking answer it._

The message types itself, his eyes lost somewhere on the couch. Their couch. The couch they cuddled and watched stupid animes and doramas. Jeongguk sighs, eyes stinging. It’s suffocating.

_Are you going to ignore me? Really?_

The answer comes faster than expected. He wasn’t expecting one, to be honest.

_I’m sorry. I need time. Please._

_Fine. But we need to talk._

They don’t. Taehyung avoids him at work, always keeping company and keeping everything between them very professional. He smiles and pretends everything is fine, but it isn’t, and Jeongguk grows angrier by the minute.

It’s a Friday when their Volleyball team ends up in a Restaurant, bonding experiences excuses just to hang out after their vacations and talk shit. The reservation granted them a table big enough for everyone, and the group unavoidably ended of divided in five or six smaller conversations. Taehyung sits as far away as he can and it’s ridiculous, because it makes so obvious that there’s something wrong that Jeongguk can see it everybody’s eyes. If their performance during practice didn’t show it, this does.

However, they don’t ask. Anyway, it’s been a long while since Jeongguk needed Taehyung to communicate with other people, so the dinner goes smoothly. And, even though they weren’t supposed to drink, there is still time before their next official match, and a few drinks and some bottles find their way onto their table.

Jeongguk avoids them, drinking only when the team toasts to their families and the upcoming season.

Taehyung doesn’t, drinking everything that goes by his way.

Jeongguk stops the drinks from coming when he’s actually worried about a possible alcohol poisoning. When the night’s over and it’s past two in the morning, he’s the one that has to drag Taehyung home. His (their) apartment is near, anyway, and he calls for a cab. Taehyung is too incoherent to complain, maybe too sleepy to even realize what’s going on.

He ends resting on Jeongguk’s shoulder, and this time he really has to carry Taehyung on his arms.

Jeongguk gives him a lot of water, trying to sober him up enough so at least he can take a shower alone.

Taehyung’s giggly and stupid at first, eyes not even focusing and tongue unable to form any words. He eventually realizes where he is, and who he’s with, and then he’s calling Jeongguk’s name (“Jeongguk, Jeongguk, Jeonggukie...”) with a smile, but tears start to stream down his cheeks and he’s eventually sobbing and his hands are clutching onto Jeongguk’s shirt.

“I miss you, I miss you, I miss you…” He goes on, like a broken record.

It makes Jeongguk’s chest constrict and expand really fast, and he wants to slap Taehyung but also kiss him. Instead, he screams between gritted teeth.

“Then stop ignoring me!”

“I can’t!! You think that I want to? But now I can’t, I can’t be near you without craving your touch, and feeling… I can’t feel it, I have to stop feeling it, and that’s why we can’t be together… I can’t…” Taehyung rambles, and some of it Jeongguk can distinguish, but most of it is lost and he wonders if it would make any sense, anyway.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing makes sense at all anymore.

“Come home.” He hears himself beg, tired, arms wrapping around Taehyung’s frail frame. “Stay.”

Taehyung hiccups, his hands letting go of the shirt and arms wrapping around Jeongguk’s waist.

“I miss you too much…”

“Me too. Stay.” He begs again, and his voice is pleading, because he knows, he hears it in Taehyung’s voice, but he doesn’t want to believe it.

Taehyung never answers, pulling away to look into his eyes and kiss him, sloppy and wet from his tears, back at clinging into Jeongguk’s shirt to keep him from moving away. And he’s confused but he understands it, he never felt it be he knows what this means.

As if to confirm it, Taehyung’s words wash upon him like the cold sea during Winter.

“You know what? This is going to be our last time. One last time. There has to be one, right?” Taehyung's laugh fills the apartment, and what would normally feel warm it's cold and hurtful.

The words hit him like daggers, and he bleeds. “No. I don’t want to.”

Taehyung’s surprised, and maybe a little hurt too.

“What? C’mon, Kookie…”

“No.” He pushes away, not looking to brown eyes and orange hair. “You’re drunk. Go take a shower.”

There's silence and he can see by the corner of his vision when Taehyung walks away, back turned to Jeongguk.

“Well. I should have known that you’d be over me pretty fast.” He hears before the bathroom door closes, and even though it hurts him deeper, twisting the daggers on his wounds, Jeongguk is more worried about a drunken Taehyung trying to bath himself alone.

So he walks to the bathroom door, sliding to the floor and listening carefully, and every second is pure torture - not because he’s worried about Taehyung slipping and falling down, but because he hears it, faintly enough but it's there, along with the sound of the water falling down the shower -, Taehyung’s crying is low but so incredibly loud on his ears he might go deaf from it at any second.

It’s so much he almost can’t bear it, fantasizing about breaking the door down to reach Taehyung if he has to, but he’s not sure what would hurt the other man more. Apparently, either way it’s no good. Either way he’s hurting Taehyung and it’s his fault if he’s being hurt too, now.

He knew it all along, someone like him and someone like Taehyung could never be together that way. And even though he knew it, even though he was sure of it, and always had been, he tried. How selfish could he be, ignoring their nature just to avoid having to see Taehyung in love with someone else again, yet in another relationship that Jeongguk could never have?

Showing love for yet another person who wouldn’t deserve it, breaking his heart in the end, leaving the broken pieces behind, for Jeongguk to see and endure.

Well, now it was his fault. Now he had to see Taehyung like this because he had done it. _Congratulations._

Jeongguk stands up and hides his face before Taehyung comes out, following him to his bedroom without ever looking up. He stays by the door, listening as Taehyung wears something, preparing himself for a fight if Taehyung decides to leave.

And he does, walking by Jeongguk as if he isn’t there, going for the door only to find it locked and key less. Jeongguk doesn’t moves, and Taehyung goes back to his room, stopping by the door to look at him.

“You’re drunk.” He whispers, affected by the gaze of a furious Kim Taehyung.

Not a single word is spoken after it, and Taehyung goes to his bed in silence, falling asleep in the first minute. Jeongguk never sleeps. He’s afraid he will, and when he wakes up Taehyung won’t be there anymore, after finding the keys inside his pockets or breaking the door down. He’s afraid, after that, that Taehyung will ignore him again, and they won’t ever talk properly about things. Jeongguk needs to talk to him, he believes so.

Then, he doesn’t sleep.

It’s past eight when his eyes start to close for too long, and Jeongguk makes himself some coffee. He watches their recorded games, because nothing can keep him awake as Volleyball does. Volleyball and Taehyung.

It’s almost eleven when Taehyung opens his eyes, and Jeongguk has breakfast ready on his bedroom floor, right next where he’s seated.

Taehyung drinks some medicine with water before sitting up and staring at him.

“I told you we needed to talk, but you’ve never given me the chance.” He says, finally locking eyes with Taehyung.

“I didn’t feel like I was ready.” He answers, staring right back at him. “Besides, there’s nothing you can say…”

“You don’t have how to know that, and I need to… I need to tell you. I need to try.”

It’s eleven in the morning and he hasn’t slept, there’s nothing that can mask how desperate he feels.

“Yeah. Sure.” Taehyung complies, maybe a little taken aback by his words.

“Eat.” He orders, pointing to the breakfast on the floor.

Taehyung gets out of the bed and sits in front of him, eyeing the food. He waits for a few toasts to be eaten and a cup of juice drunk before speaking.

“I told you we’d be like this forever.” He tries, breathing deep. “Isn't it enough? I’m… I’m not like you. I know you and I never meant to hurt you, because you matter so much to me… But I can’t understand. Why do you have to label it? Why do you have to call it love? Can’t we just… be together?”

His words seems to drain the energy from Taehyung, and he regrets it. He regrets everything. Especially his inability to understand feelings.

“That’s not love, Jeongguk. What you’re describing, your idea of a relationship… I can’t be with you when we’re not on the same page. I’ll end up hurt anyway. Tomorrow or in ten years time, it’s stupid to be in this position knowing from the start that you don’t love me.”

He grit his teeth, angry. Even though he has no idea what he’s angry at.

“But how can you… Know… This thing even exists… How can you say I do or I don’t when I don’t even believe it is something...”

“I know, and it’s my fault…”

“No, it’s mine!” He shouts, startling Taehyung. “I was selfish, I wanted you to be happy and I thought… I thought I could… I’m so sorry, Taehyung.” Tears wash up his face, and he buries it in his hands, shaking.

Taehyung is silent. There’s no other word exchanged, and when Jeongguk looks up again, blinking lazily, he knows he might have fallen asleep, because Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.

  
He fell asleep, and now he’s completely alone.

_~_

_epilogue_

_~_

It takes Jeongguk almost a month to sort things out.

Almost all of Taehyung’s stuff is gone by now, with the exception of the furniture. They don’t talk about it. They don’t talk about anything that isn’t work related. Taehyung doesn’t pretend that everything is normal, and each day he’s further away.

Slipping through his fingers, that’s what it feels like to lose someone so important. And it’s true, what they say: it can be sobering.

By now, Jeongguk’s still not sure about most of the things in life, but there’s one thing he knows for sure. At least one thing, one thing that’s strong enough to make him do something crazy, like keep the company - supposed to take Taehyung’s furniture away - from entering the building in the first place.

Something that makes him laugh a little crazily as his phone buzzes with Taehyung’s face on the lock screen, calling him a second later, and he doesn’t pick up.

Something that makes him unlock the door when he sees the text message saying _“I’ll get inside this apartment even if I have to be arrested for breaking in!”_

Maybe because a Kim Taehyung mad at him is better than a Kim Taehyung that ignores him. And less than an hour later there he is, pushing through the door, throwing himself at Jeongguk furiously. And _shouting_.

It feels like Christmas.

“What the fuck?! I had to pay them. Money, real money, you idiot! Who do you think you are, those are my things and I… Why are you smiling? Do you really hate me this much...” He’s too close, and he hasn’t been this close from Jeongguk in ages, and everything about it is so intoxicating that Jeongguk can’t control his face as much as he can control his heart, beating crazily against his ribcage.

And so he smiles, and he wraps his arms around Taehyung, _finally shutting him up,_ and he laughs, hugging him tighter and drawing a squeal from the ginger.

“Hell, I’ll pay you what you had to pay them, if I have to.” He finally says, low, right next to Taehyung’s ear, without losing his grip around Taehyung’s frame. “I’ll pay you again tomorrow, if you make them come again. I’ll pay anything to keep your things where they are supposed to be. Which is, by the way, here. With me. Where you’re also supposed to be.”

Taehyung doesn’t speak again, and maybe he stops breathing, too.

“Jeongguk, I’m not sure… What you’re saying… I’m…”

He hugs Taehyung tighter, holding back a laugh.

“Do you hate me yet? Have I taken too long? I’m so sorry, Tae, but I’m not used to… I’m not like you, and it’s stupid to say that again but… Please, I need you to stay.”

Taehyung is stiff in his arms, and he trembles a little. “We’ve already had this talk. I can’t be with you if…”

“I love you.” He whispers. He finally says it, and it makes him light headed. “I do, Tae. If I feel it for someone, it's you. And I’m not saying this just for you to stay. I miss you and I love you. Please, stay.”

This time he’s gathered the courage to pull back, allowing Taehyung to see him. There’s surprise and disbelief in Taehyung’s face, but he looks up and meets Jeongguk’s eyes, searching for answers. And Jeongguk looks back, allowing him to see everything he needs.

“Can you say that again?” Taehyung asks, voice shaken.

He supposed to repeat it but his brain won’t comply, and words leave his mouth trampling each other.

“I miss you so much oh my god just kiss me already!” Jeongguk laughs, tears pooling in his eyes. “I think I’ve been in love with you forever now!”

Taehyung half sobs, half laughs, covering his mouth with one hand.

“What?”

His knees go weaker by the second, and he shouts: “I love you, _dumbass_ Taehyung!”

“Well, what a nice thing to say when you’re professing your love for your loved one…” Taehyung starts rambling, cheeks a little blushed but his gaze wandering away, and he can’t take it no more, grabbing the ginger by the neck and pulling him tenderly into a kiss.

That’s how everything clicks back into its place, and for once his tears are happy ones, and Taehyung’s are, too.

And if Jeongguk has to pay any company, it’s to bring Taehyung’s things back into his apartment. Their apartment. From where they should never have left, even though they need the change to understand everything about them and about themselves.

Because when they thought Taehyung’s longest relationship lasted a decade, they’ve been together for over one decade more than that. Therefore the nine years, five months and a few days were never Taehyung’s longest relationship. That was always him.

  
It was always them.

**Author's Note:**

> That one was my first BTS fic and I've been keeping it in the drawer for MONTHS, but here it is, seeing the light of day (not really because it's past 6pm here so).
> 
> I wrote this because I needed to think about things and it helped me a lot lol I LOBE
> 
> No need to say I'm a sucker for all things haikyuu and taekook. 
> 
> I'll leave now. (I hope you enjoyed?? this?? crazy mash up thing idek what to call it but I Live.)
> 
> ~
> 
> You can find me @ [twitter](https://twitter.com/taeggukswitch) | [tumblr](http://twosyub.tumblr.com/) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/2syub)  
> 


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